Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
