All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
