OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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