can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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