Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
