seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
