I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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