Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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