Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
