How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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