Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
