the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ttyl tear gas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
