You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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