i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When did angry sex become our thing?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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