Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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