No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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