I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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