And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
