And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
