Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
