hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
