why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
