Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
