I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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