Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
