The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
