Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
