Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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