how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
