Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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