Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
