Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
