A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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