When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
