I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
