Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
