i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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