Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
