I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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