Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Houston, we have a squirter
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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