ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
