I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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