i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
