Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
