I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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