well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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