hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
