office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
