Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
