Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my sisters under your porch take her home
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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