well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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