I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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