It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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