I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
