He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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