Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
