is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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