I think i peed on brittanys purse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
