Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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