Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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