I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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